Crap

....describes my day.  Or week, rather.

I feel like crap.  I look like crap.  I've eaten like crap. 

My son kind of embarrassed me at church last Wednesday night.  I heard him yell out "What the crap!" on the playground.  Talk about embarrassed.  You're probably thinking that that's not so bad.  But, my son has voice that exceeds all others.  Truly, the loudest little boy in the world.  It's not an exaggeration, either.  And, I have no idea where he gets "crap" from.  Okay, okay.  I say it WAY too much.  Bad mama. 

Anyway, it's been a crappy day.  My son decided to choose the day his mama felt horrible to continuously whine about school.  Any other day, the whining probably wouldn't have seemed so bad, though.

As much as I like to keep things positive, I'd be lying if I said everything was fine.  I'm having a sinus/allergy attack from Hades that I can't seem to shake.  Just when I start feeling better...BAM, it knocks me upside the head again with a prehistoric, man-made piece of wood, that I imagine looks similar to Bam Bam's bat from the Flintstones.

When I feel crappy, I eat crappy.

When will I be able to overcome emotional eating?  The more I ask myself this, the clearer the answer becomes.  I won't.  I will always struggle with this.  Probably 'till the day I die.  Even on my death bed, I'll be craving a freaking DQ Blizzard. 

While I haven't flown the coop completely, I haven't done very well, either.  Since my appointment with the Endocrinologist (about 6 weeks ago), I've lost about 12 lbs.  Doesn't sound too bad, but I lost 9 lbs the first week after the appointment.  Since then it's been coming off super slow.  3 lbs. in 5 weeks is ridiculous!  Yeah, yeah...I lost.  But, not up to my standards.

Maybe that's the problem.  Maybe I expect too much of myself.  I start out all in.  Ready to crush my goals and laugh in their faces as I do it!  Then, when I fall short of that expectation, I crash.  I crash into my All-or-Nothing, downward spiraling state of mind.  "Nothing" being the key word here.  It's a problem that I'm very aware of.  I've mentioned my All-or-Nothing mindset several times.  I'm completely aware of it.  I just don't know how to get past it.  My mom is exactly the same way, so I know where I get it from.  But, how do I change it? 

And if I hear, "You just have to set your mind and do it." one more time, I swear....I will hurt that person.  Like I haven't tried that before?  That is so much easier said than done. 

Sorry for my witchy mood.  I'm a witch, today.  What can I say?

Here's to hopefully having a non-crappy day and a non-witchy attitude tomorrow.


Yours truly,
The Crap-tastic Witchy Woman