New Blog Title?

Hello, my friends!  I hope you all have been doing well. 

Some quick updates....

I have been feeling a bit better, for the most part.  I've increased my OTC Vitamin D dosage a bit and added 2,500 mcg of B12 as well.  I can tell a big difference.  Not sure if it's because of the Vitamin D increase or adding the B12, or both.  It really doesn't matter because it's working.  So as long as it's helping, I don't care.  I've been working with 10 lb weights at home to build some strength and it's been going well. 

I have been having some weird head pains and strange sensations on the left side of my head so I have an appointment with a Neurologist on Monday.  I'm excited about going!  Maybe I'll get some answers soon. 

I decided to join Weight Watchers (online).  I've been doing it for about a week and it's going very well.  Maybe the structure of a balanced program is what I need.  I still worry about my "All or Nothing" complex and I'm working through it.  I decided that I'll allow myself ONE day per week to eat whatever I want.  No counting, no worrying, and no guilt.  If I don't allow something like this, it won't work.  I know myself well enough to admit that if I don't, I'll eventually go on a binging spree and it will just be a downward spiral from there.  To be clear though, my "free day" doesn't mean I'll go and stuff myself full of junk.  It just means that if I decide I want to have a slice of pie after dinner, or pasta for dinner....I will.  I will still make my best effort to maintain moderation. 

Okay, on to the main point of my post.

I think my blog needs a new name.  I started this with a completely different idea for my blog basis.  Over the past several months, things have come up.  Health issues, mainly.  While I still want to incorporate some crafty things every now and then, that's just not where I am right now.  I want a simple title that captures my journey.  My journey of striving for good health.  My journey has been full of physical and emotional complications.  I am continually striving though.  Striving to find answers, striving to find peace, striving to be a better person, striving to find self-confidence, and fighting to live the life that I deserve.  Notice I said "deserve".  A few months ago, I would have never said that.  So, although I've had all these unexpected health issues and struggled (physically and emotionally), I have made some progress.  Progress is progress and I'll take it! 

So, please comment and give me ideas.  I want a title that's simple, but powerful.  The only one I have come up with is "A Fight Worth Fighting".  I really like it, but I want to REALLY be sure about it before I change it.  So, let me know what you think.  Ideas are welcome!

I hope all of you beautiful people are having great Friday!  It's the weekend....make the most of it!

Until next time...

Turning Weakness Into Strength

Hello friends!  Hope you are all doing well.  Before I get to my "real" post, let me give some quick info about my health.  I still don't have much energy, but I do feel a little better.  I had my Vitamin D levels checked Tuesday and I just got word that my levels are in the low normal range.  It's barely normal, but that's better than severely low.  I'll take it.  So, back to over-the-counter Vitamin D for now. 

I told you guys that I was watching the series Prison Break.  Wow!!  Just wow!  I just finished up the series.  Seriously one of the most brilliant series.  Oh, how I'm going to miss watching Michael Scofield and his beautiful mind.  The characters were brilliantly written and portrayed.  Even the characters that I loved to hate were brilliant. Love, love, loved it!  I didn't want it to end.  If you have Netflix or HuluPlus....go watch it!  The last two episodes were put together and went straight to DVD and they take place during the four year difference in the finale.  It answered a lot of questions and cleared things up a bit more.  HuluPlus doesn't offer that one, but Netflix does.  And Netflix is commercial free. 

Okay, now to the real post :)

I have been doing some major soul searching lately.  Most days I feel weak.  Not just weak in the physical sense, also weak in spirit.  It's so easy to let darkness creep in and over-take our light.  Especially when there seems to be more bad than good in our lives.  So, I've been in constant prayer this week, asking God "Why do I feel this way?".  "Why are You allowing me to feel this way?".  "How can I change it?". "What do You want me to do?".   Now, I still don't know the answers to any of those questions.  But what I do know is that in HIS time, He will reveal it to me.  A wonderful friend sent me some e-cards this week.  I fully believe that they were messages that the Lord wanted me to hear.  So, do I have the answers?  Nope.  But I know that HE does and in His time, He will reveal it to me. 

So, I asked myself, "What can I do right now, in this moment?".  Well, the weakness I feel is both physical and spiritual.  So, that's what I'm going to work on. 

For my physical weakness, I am going to start with the basics.  My plan is start lifting some weights.  Simple, right?  I don't have some wonderfully orchestrated plan to fix things.  I'm not sure there is such a plan.  But, I can start doing SOMETHING.  No matter how small it seems right now, it will help.  I've never been a physically weak person and I literally hate feeling weak.  So, no more.  Sooner or later, my physical weakness will turn into physical strength.  It's just a matter of taking control and doing what needs to be done.

Now, spiritual weakness is a whole other realm of weakness.  I don't really have a "plan" here.  My spiritual weakness doesn't come from a lack of prayer or lack in my relationship with God.  I pray daily.  I do bible study daily.  I truly believe in and love my God.  So what is the problem?  I'm not exactly sure.  I do know that many thoughts and feeling (mainly negative thoughts and feeling about MYSELF) are probably somewhat responible for my spiritual weakness.  Feelings of guilt, self-disgust, insecurity, no self- confidence, and no self-worth always creep in and take over.  My whole life I've always felt that I wasn't "good enough".  That my best wasn't good enough.  I'm a perfectionist and if I can't live up to the standards that are acceptable to me.....I throw in the towel.  What a lousy way to live, right?  Trust me, it is.  The thing that I NEED to accept is, is that no matter how much I strive to be perfect (physically and spiritually), I'll never be that way.  None of us will.  It's unrealistic.  Unachievable.  Unattainable.  It's not going to happen.  So, why am I this way?  I don't know.   Wow, being brutally honest sucks. 

I did find some tips online that could help though.  Here's the link. #2 is me made over.

http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Powerful-Tips-to-Improve-Self-Confidence&id=1018704

I figured I would start on #10.  I love to sing and I used to have self-confidence when singing at church, but I've let it slide.  God blessed me with a talent and it's time I starting being passionate about sharing it again. 

So, that's it.  It's a start, right? 

Here's to turning weakness into strength, using pain to achieve self-worth, and fighting for a life that deserves happiness and greatness.  Cheers! (Imagine me holding up a beverage of some sort.)

Until next time... 

Check-In

I promised you guys that I wouldn't wait a whole month to check in again, so here I am- although I realize I am cutting it a bit close.

I've had some good days and some not-so-good days.  In the past week, there have been more "not-so-good" days.  I really don't know what to say.  Things were looking up and all the sudden my muscle twitches are back, my lymph node is swollen again (and hurts like heck!), my mood sucks, can't sleep and I'm very tired again  Same old crap.  It's very strange.  I'm beginning to think that some of these issues aren't connected to the Vitamin D deficiency.  I cannot WAIT until my appointment with the Endocrinologist in April!  I'm praying I will start getting some answers! 

Now that I've gotten that out of the way....

I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day!  I had a bouquet of chocolate waiting for me when I woke up, so I was a happy girl.  Chocolate makes everything better :)

Being super tired and having insomnia has it's perks.  I've been able to get caught up on all my DVR'd shows that I was behind on.  I'm 100% caught up!  I've even started watching a new series on HuluPlus that I've been wanting to watch for a while now.....Prison Break.  I'm addicted to this show!  And Wentworth Miller is my new celebrity crush.  How have I not seen or heard of this guy until now?!?! 

Anyway, that's what's been going on with me.  Not much, obviously.  Just wanted to briefly check in with y'all.  Thank you all for your support and love.  I'm very thankful for all my readers and supporters. 

Here's a thought I'll leave you with. 

I've been in a dark place lately, but there's always someone out there that is going through something much worse.  So no matter what.....I'm always grateful and thankful for all the good in my life.  I am trying to learn to be grateful for the bad as well because I know that in the end, I will be stronger for it. 

Much love to you all! 

Until next time...

Things ARE Getting Better!

Yes, yes indeed, they are. 

I have felt vastly better this week.  Especially the first half of the week.  The past couple of days haven't been quite as good, but still.....SO MUCH BETTER!  My muscles are feeling stronger, my body isn't aching as much, my tremors (or muscle twitches) are decreasing, my lymph node is no longer swollen.  Lots of good news!  But more than anything, it feels good to feel better emotionally.  My mood has been steadily getting better and I feel the depression leaving.  To finally see some light in the darkness....well that feels better than any physical improvement I've had.  Things are definitely getting better. 

In fact, I've felt so much better that I started working on an art project a couple of days ago.  I got out my canvas and paint and started working on creating something that is very personal.  I don't know exactly what the end result will be, but so far it's been very therapeutic.  I can't wait to see how it turns out because I'm trying something new and I'm hoping it works out on canvas as well as it works in my mind.  I guess we'll find out :)

Oh, and we found out this week that our little man made honor roll.  I'm so proud of how hard he has been working and I LOVE having such an important part in his education.  This just added to the happiness of an already happy week :)

Thanks to all of you that prayed for me and kept me in your thoughts.  I definitely felt them and I'm blessed to have such wonderful supporters.  You guys ROCK!

Until next time...

Things Will Get Better

That's what I keep telling myself.  Things will get better.  Things will get better.

Life is full of ups and downs.  I prefer the "ups" myself, but the "downs" are inevitable.  Do you ever feel like things couldn't possibly get any worse?  I would guess that most of us feel that way as some point in our lives.  We're human.  Lately, that's how I have been feeling.

My health has been getting the best of me and honestly....I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I'm taking my meds and waiting for them to kick in.  I know that good days are ahead, it's just hard to see it right now.  I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize the reflection I see.  Mainly because I don't FEEL like myself.  I feel like a totally different person.  It's not a good feeling.  I am so ready to look in the mirror and recognize myself again.  But, until that happens, I will keep waiting for those meds to kick in and deal with it the best I can until I go to the Endocrinologist in April.  Things will get better.  Things WILL get better. 

Now that I have vented about the bad going on, I want to take some time to recognize the good.  Yep, amidst all the pain and troubles going on, I have had some rather good accomplishments over the past month that I'd like to share. 

Since Christmas day, I haven't had ANY sodas or meat.  I have cut back tremendously on dairy and artificial sweeteners as well.  I don't think I've dropped any weight (mostly due to my low Vitamin D levels), but I've made some great changes that I'm proud of. 

I had a couple of good days this past week and I took advantage of them.  I started the C25K again.  It was rough and I definitely paid for it the days after, but it was worth it.  For that one day, I felt like myself again and it felt good.  Next week will be my second week on the prescription so I am very hopeful that things will start looking up really soon.  I can't wait! 

So, that's what has been going on with me.  I haven't been posting much because I didn't want to seem like a Debbie Downer.  I always want to be real with my readers.  Things aren't always peachy in this life and to pretend that it is....well, that just isn't being real and I always want to be real with you guys.  So any prayers or good thoughts you can send my way will be greatly appreciated.  It's just a matter of time before things start looking up. 

My husband and son have been so good to me during all this.  My husband has been helping me out around the house and my son always has a way of cheering me up.  God has blessed me with the best family and with great friends that lift me up. 

I promise not to wait another month before I post again.  I am working on putting a post together about grocery shopping on a budget.  I have had to start couponing again to save money, so maybe I'll share some of my tips with you guys.  Thanks for taking the time to read and share this journey with me. 

Until next time...

Hungry For Change

Hello, my friends!

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas! 

We had a wonderful Christmas at the McCorkle House :)  Santa was good to all of us so we must have all been good this year. 

Are you ready for the New Year?  Man, this year went by FAST!  I can't hardly keep up anymore.  Are you making any New Year's Resolutions? 

I don't really do resolutions.  If I did, I'm sure (like most everyone else) that my New Year's Resolution would be to get healthy, lose weight.....same old yada yada as every year. 

Since Halloween (or a little earlier, actually), I have severely let myself go.  I probably gained 10 lbs or more and it feels like it all went to my FACE!!  Christmas is always the hardest holiday (food wise) for me.  I like to make candies and drink lots of hot cocoa and seasonal lattes from Starbucks.  It's all part of the holiday season, right?  Well, it doesn't have to be.  Maybe one of these days I'll conquer that hurdle. 

Now that Christmas is over, I have started back eating healthier and smarter.  I don't wait until New Years to start back....never do.  I also don't have a "plan".  No diets or gimmicks.  They don't work.  I've tried them all, so I should know. 

I've been trying to do some research and educate myself as much as possible about food.  Not any diet in particular, just food.  I watched a documentary yesterday called "Hungry For Change".  It was very informative and gave lots of great information about food and how food has become more about convenience than health.  We all know that, right?  It's obvious that overly processed foods have become the staple diet for most Americans.  We know that.  Then why don't we do something about it? 

Well, it's because all these major food companies are putting all kinds of addictive chemicals in our foods....and we just keep going back for more.  Why do we keep going back for more?  Not only because it's addictive, but also because all this cheaply made food is....well, cheap.  It costs a lot more money to eat the right foods.  Food is no different than anything else.  If you want good quality, you have to pay for it.

I am learning that everything I "thought" I knew about food is wrong.  Dead wrong!

I have decided to try and focus more on REAL food.  Food fresh from the Earth.  More fresh raw veggies, fresh fruit, organic beans, healthy fats- like avocados, nuts and seeds.  I'm not going to eat meat for a while and I'm going to cut back on dairy products.  I can't completely cut dairy out right now (I like cheese too much!), but I hope to eventually fade it out.  I'm cutting back on sugar, too. I'm not going to be counting calories, fats, carbs or anything else.  Just focusing on eating good, healthy foods and cutting back on portions.  That's what it's all about. 

It's not going to be easy, because where I'm from....casseroles and barbecue are the norm.  Vegetables are just something we throw in a casserole that's filled with sour cream, mayo, butter, cream of "whatever" soup, and cheese.  Vegetables are cooked in animal fat, everything is deep fried, and bacon is everything around here.  When we gather for holidays, church events, or parties....we don't do "healthy".  I don't really know anyone here that eats the way I am attempting to, not personally anyway.  It will be tough.   

I'll be continuing to juice and do smoothies for my son and I.  He doesn't eat veggies, but he will drink them in combination with fresh fruit juice. 

So, if you can call it a plan...that's my plan.  Focus on good foods.  Easy enough, right? 

I want to leave you with this thought....

Why not you?  Think about it.

Happy New Year, y'all!  Please be safe and I wish you all the best for the coming new year :)

Until next time...

Merry Christmas, Y'all :)

Merry Christmas, y'all!  I appreciate you guys taking the time to read my blog and I love you all.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, my friends :)

Until next time...